A Better Me Pt.2
Pain From Unmet Needs (I Didn’t Think It Would Effect Me Like This)
Luke 13:10-13
10 Now He was teaching in one of the synagogues on the Sabbath. 11 And behold, there was a woman who had a spirit of infirmity(disabling spirit) eighteen years, and was bent over and could in no way [a]raise herself up. 12 But when Jesus saw her, He called her to Him and said to her, “Woman, you are loosed from your infirmity.” 13 And He laid His hands on her, and immediately she was made straight and glorified God.
Pain From Unmet Needs
The goals for this session are:
- To be able to identify hidden pain that is due to unmet emotional needs during childhood.
- To recognize the symptoms that indicate the need is still unmet
“And we have known and believed the love that God has to us. God is love; And he that well in love, dwelleth in God, and God in him.” 1 John 4:16
Love
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- Ephesians 6:4 4 And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.
- Our greatest need is to be able to receive love.
- We learn how to receive love as children when our hearts are naturally open. Children receive love through nurturing
- Love flows through a nurturing touch
- Receiving love requires an emotional connection or bond.
- Bonding first takes place in the womb between the mother and an unborn child.
Emotional Needs
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Parents who have a strong bond with each of their children from infancy will be connected to them emotionally. These parents will be able to sense and know when each of their children’s emotional needs are not being met. They will recognize when their child is not receiving love from them.
Emotional needs are internal measuring cups. A child will feel loved to the degree that each need is met. Children or adults who have empty cups will not feel loved. I didn’t think it would affect me like this
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1. This thing got me bent over. (The Legendary Leena Horn said, It’s not the load that breaks you, it’s the way you’re carrying it) Jesus noticed her posture was off; something is off with what I ordained you to have (love) it is the intent of the enemy to have you bent over because he doesn’t want you to walk in the power and authority that you’ve been gifted with if you keep stooping down, you gone get stuck
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Any emotional need that has not been met as a child will create an emptiness that must be filled for a person to be whole.
What needs have not been met in your heart?
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However, for the emotional need to be met in adulthood, you must be able to receive from others. If you do not learn how to bond early in life, there is a block that must be removed, so you can receive.
If we can’t receive, our internal cups remain empty; therefore, our emotional needs remain unmet.
10 Emotional Needs We All Have
God said this is my beloved son, to whom I’m well pleased. Matthew 3:17
- Acceptance- is one of the most critical needs; if we are readily accepted, good and bad, we know we are loved unconditionally. Based on who we are, not what we do.
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- Affection is closeness through physical touch.
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- Attention- it is the need to have a significant person show interest and take time to enter into your world.
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- Affirmation- a formal statement acknowledging that you are significant, a verbal declaration. It is also to be included and accepted as a significant part of the relationship, to be commended and confirmed as one having worth and value.
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- Security- is to feel secure knowing physical and emotional needs will be met.
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- Comfort- is the need to have someone come alongside you for comfort and strength. The need is to be lovingly comforted during a difficult time instead of instructed or corrected. There is a time for instruction, but during a difficult time, comfort is needed
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- Encouragement- a desire to succeed or push forward positively towards a goal. Someone takes an interest in you and inspires you. This gives you hope that you can reach your goal
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- Support- is the need to have someone stand by you and help you carry a heavy burden or problem to meet practical needs.
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- Appreciation- needs to have service or accomplishments recognized with gratitude and communicated through words of gratitude, and expressed through words of gratefulness
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- Respect- to be regarded as one who has worth and value to the family. As we mature, the need for respect becomes greater.
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These 10 emotional needs are the internal cups that measure how much a person receives love. When these needs are met, the cup will be full. When emotional needs are not met, the cup is empty.
Maybe you are where you are because of what you think of yourself. Maybe you don’t think that you deserve better, that you can have better, or that you can live better, so your environment responds to your thinking. You are not crazy; you’re just connected to something that is!
Denial
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Many people live in denial of their need for meaningful relationships with others. Healthy relationships are based on the ability to connect emotionally and the ability to give and receive love. The denial keeps them trying to fill the emptiness with other things.
A person who is in denial about their emotional needs will have the following symptoms:
Emotional: Feeling numb or emotionally detached, avoid emotions related to the issue, minimize the severity of the problem, blame others for the situation, and rationalize the issue.
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Cognitive: disbelieving or rejecting information about the reality, making excuses or justifications, avoiding thoughts or conversations about the issue, focusing on irrelevant and distracting details.
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Behavioral: refuses to talk about the problem, engages in risky or self-destructive behaviors, persistent harmful patterns despite negative consequences, shows a lack of insight into the problem, refuses to talk
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Physical: changes in appetite or sleep patterns, headaches or stomach aches, introduce or increase substance use
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Neediness (Infirmity-disabling spirit)
2. Get Them Out Your System (The enemy hates a saint who has the power to change. As long as you were complacent, as long as you were stuck. As long as you lost your drive, you had no opposition. But the moment you realized I got to do something, the enemy began to afflict you with something. But this is the last time she said I’ve been bent over for 18 years. I’ve lost drive, I’ve lost my identity. I listened to the self-help, did the vision board, tried the new wig, and put on the suit but still I’m bent over (It’s a spirit of infirmity-disabling spirit. ) I’m not really what I thought
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When a person’s needs have not been adequately met, especially in childhood, they may struggle with obsessive neediness in adulthood. They may become overly dependent on others, form unhealthy relationships, and attempt to get their needs met in unhealthy ways. Excessive neediness becomes a trap by drawing unhealthy relationships.
A person who has excessive neediness has the following symptoms:
Key signs of excessive neediness:
- Constant reassurance seeking: Frequently asking for validation or confirmation that your partner loves and cares about you.
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- Fear of abandonment: Intense anxiety about being left alone or feeling like your partner might leave you.
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- Overly clingy behavior: Wanting to spend all your time with your partner and feeling uncomfortable with space.
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- Frequent negative interpretations: Assuming the worst in situations and reading negative intentions into your partner’s actions.
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- Emotional volatility: Quickly shifting moods based on perceived changes in your partner’s behavior
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- Jealousy and possessiveness: Feeling threatened by other people in your partner’s life
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- Difficulty with independence: Struggling to enjoy activities or pursue hobbies on your own
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- Intense need for attention: Feeling like you need to be the center of attention in social situations
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- Overreacting to criticism: Taking even minor feedback as a personal attack
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- Frequent checking in: Constantly texting or calling to see what your partner is doing
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- Low self-esteem: Often linked to a lack of self-worth, leading people to depend heavily on their partner for their emotional well-being.
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- Insecurity: Feeling anxious and worried about the relationship, interpreting small actions as signs of rejection or disinterest.
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- Manipulative behaviors: Using guilt trips or emotional blackmail to get attention or control the relationship.
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Recognizing Needs
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Recognizing unmet needs from childhood can help you understand present relationship difficulties.
During childhood, the parent must meet their children’s emotional needs so they will be secure and feel loved. But after childhood, no one person can meet all of our needs.
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God is the source of love, and he uses others in our life to express his love for us. However, we must be careful not to require or demand one person to meet all of our needs.
Lies
When emotional needs have not been met in childhood, the enemy takes this opportunity to fill our minds with lies. These lies dictate a person’s thoughts and actions until they are replaced with truth.
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Coping With the Pain of Unmet Needs
Pain indicates you are still unhealed in a present area.
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When I kept silent, my bones waxed old through my roaring all day long. Psalm 32:3
The roaring all day long indicates a built-up anger.
Psalm 22:5 They cried to You, and were delivered; They trusted in You, and were not ashamed.
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The pain must be Acknowledged to be healed. Expression is the key to releasing the pain.
A natural wound that is not healed will become infected; the same is true for an emotional wound. Pain indicates the wound is not healed. The need to find a way to cope with the pain will persist until healing occurs.
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Psalm 55:16-18 As for me, I will call upon God, And the Lord shall save me.17 Evening and morning and at noonI will pray, and cry aloud, And He shall hear my voice.18 He has redeemed my soul in peace from the battle that was against me, For there were many against me.
The psalmist, David, expressed his pain to God and acknowledged how angry he was. He cried out, seeking healing for the pain of a broken relationship with a friend. This is a model for how we can process a painful hurt.
Spend time writing it out, or conversate with a trusted friend who can lead you in prayer.
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Ephesians 4:26 26 “Be angry, and do not sin”: do not let the sun go down on your wrath, 27 nor give [a]place to the devil.
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People who do not face their pain and express it may fall into one of the following five categories in an attempt to cope with their pain. Just dealing with the pain is not healing. It allows the enemy to continue to have a foothold in your life.
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Ways We Cope With the Pain
- Isolation- pulling away from relationships
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- Introjection- holding the pain inside. (Can cause depression and or sickness)
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- Projection- Turning the pain outward ( attacks, criticizes, blames, rages)
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- Addiction- medicating the pain (drugs, alcohol, shopping, eating, workaholic, sexaholic)
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- Codependency- relationship addiction (rescuing, fixing, enabling, controlling, pleasing)
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The Enemy is after your oil & your stand
3. I Found a Way Out (Jesus touched her) and Immediately (she was straightened out)
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Declarations to Speak to Yourself
- He called me so He’s going to take it away (Im free Today)
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- He touched me, and I’m finally loosed (she began to shout and praise God).
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- I’m Praising like it is already fixed, praising like it’s done (it’s already straightened out)
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