Defeating the Giant of Shame
August 8, 2021 / Dr. Skip Pilgrim / First Red OakShame v Guilt
I believe that there is a profound difference between shame and guilt.
Guilt is adaptive and can be helpful – it’s holding something we’ve done or failed to do up against our values and feeling psychological discomfort.
Shame
I define shame as the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging – something we’ve experienced, done, or failed to do makes us unworthy of connection with God or others.
Things to remember about shame
Shame is not helpful or productive
Shame is more likely to be the source of destructive, hurtful behavior than the solution or cure.
Shame is a powerful emotion that can cause people to feel defective, unacceptable, even damaged beyond repair.
All decisions have consequences
Belief – Decisions – Outcome
To Break Free From Shame:
1.We must discover the cause of our shame.
What decision(s) have we made that has caused us to become ashamed?
The younger son in our story had a belief system change. (Luke 15:11-12)
He believed wrong was right.
What we believe affects all our decisions
The younger son believed that an ungodly life-style would bring him happiness. (Luke 15:13)
(Moses) “Choosing rather to suffer affliction with the people of God, than to enjoy the pleasures of sin for a season;” (Hebrews 11:25)
In this case a false belief would be that sinful living only brings pleasure into our life and not shame.
The younger son got what he wanted
Money, freedom from rules, friends, and the party life.
He also got what he did not want: consequences.
We reap what we sow!
False Belief – Bad Decision – Outcome Guilt and Shame
To Break Free From Shame:
1.Understand what causes shame.
2.Apply the cure for shame. (Luke 15:14-19)
“When the pain becomes greater than the need to change, we change.” D. Mullinax
The Cure for Shame
Belief – Do the right thing – Decision Repent
Step#1 Repent – Agree with God Luke 15:18-19
I have wronged my father
I have sinned against God
I am no more worthy (The pain of shame)
The Cure for Shame
Belief – Do the right thing – Decision – Repent – Outcome – Restoration
Step#2 Restoration
God want to do a fixer up job on your life. (Luke 15:20-24)
Repair our brokenness
Remove our shame and guilt
Restore our purpose
To Break Free form Shame:
1.Understand the cause of shame
2.Apply the cure for shame
3.Pray for those who continue to shame you (Luke 15:24-28)
Some are unwilling to let you recover from your mistakes.
Reputation – What others know and say about us
Character – Who we are which is defined by our words, decisions and actions.
Good Reputation
Belief – Follow Jesus – Decision – Keep living for Christ – Outcome – Good Reputation