Transformed: Conflict, Forgiveness, and Reconciliation

Why does forgiveness matter in the Kingdom?

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.¹³ Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. ¹⁴ And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Colossians 3:12-14 NIV

¹⁵ Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. ¹⁶ Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. ¹⁷ And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. Colossians 3:15-17 NIV

Relational conflict is the training ground for learning to live like Jesus.

 I plead with Euodia and I plead with Syntyche to be of the same mind in the Lord. ³ Yes, and I ask you, my true companion, help these women since they have contended at my side in the cause of the gospel, along with Clement and the rest of my co-workers, whose names are in the book of life. Philippians 4:2-3 NIV

1. What is forgiveness?

2. How do I know if I’ve forgiven someone?

3. How do I know when to confront and when to let it go?

Any love that is afraid to confront the beloved is really not love but a selfish desire to be loved. –Tim Keller

When to confront. . .

• Is it dishonoring God?
• Is it damaging your relationship?
• Is it hurting others?
• Is it hurting the offender?

4. How do I prepare to take the first step in seeking reconciliation with someone?

Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted. ² Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. ³ If anyone thinks they are something when they are not, they deceive themselves. Galatians 6:1-3 NIV

Mindset—Three equal concerns and specific ways to pray

• Heart-level attitude of grace
• Commitment to speak the truth
• Time for God to work in hearts

5. What are the practical steps I can take?

• Pray before, during, and after
• Make the invitation to meet in person whenever possible
• Confess your part fully and specifically and ask for forgiveness and shared understanding
• Address the ways the other person has wronged you
• Check back in