When Relationships Go Sideways // Achieving Relational Sanity [Part 5 of 5]

Stages of Deteriorating Conflict:
• Remedy Stage – “Let’s fix the problem.”
• Repositioning Stage – “Who caused the problem?”
• Rights Stage – “I’m right so you must be…wrong.”
• Removal Stage – “Let’s leave”/ “Let’s get rid of those people.”
• Revenge Stage – “Make someone pay.”

Six Causes of Conflict

1. Spiritual .
“We do live in the world, but we do not fight in the same way the world fights. We fight with weapons that are different from those the world uses. Our weapons have power from God that can destroy the enemy’s strong places. We destroy people’s arguments and every proud thing that raises itself against the knowledge of God. We capture every thought and make it give up and obey Christ.” 2 Cor. 10:3-5 (NCV)
2. Divisive .
“But if you have bitter envying and strife in your hearts, glory not, and lie not against the truth. This wisdom descends not from above, but is earthly, sensual, devilish. For where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work.” James 3:14-16 (KJV)
3. Hurting .
Examples: Cain, Moses, Ahab, Samson, Saul, David.

4. Political .
Jesus: “Don’t lead as those in the world lead, but let [my] leader act the part of the servant.” Luke 22:26

5. Poor .
“…Everybody has a plan to fix it – but it takes a leader of real understanding to straighten things out.” Proverbs 28:2 (Mes)

Ineffective Responses To Conflict:
• Failure to acknowledge the problem.
• Withdrawal.
• Ignoring the significance of the conflict.
• Spiritualizing.
• Keeping Score.
• Blaming someone else.
• A desire to win at any cost.
• Giving in to evade conflict.

How To Handle Conflict Constructively

1. See from God’s perspective.
“For he himself is our peace, who has made the two one and has destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility.”
Ephesians 2:14

2. Examine .
“God, I invite your searching gaze into my heart. Examine me through and through; find out everything that may be hidden within me. Put me to the test and sift through all my anxious cares. See if there is any path of pain I’m walking on.” Psalm 139:23-24 (TPT)

3. Deal immediately with .

“Don’t let the passion of your emotions lead you to sin! Don’t let anger control you or be fuel for revenge, not for even a day.” Ephesians 4:26 (TPT)

4. Follow God’s .

“Discuss the matter with him privately. Don’t tell anyone else.” Proverbs 25:9,10 (LB)

“But if he will not listen to you, take one or two others with you so that everything that is said may have the support of two or three witnesses.” Matthew 18:16 (Phil)

“Can two walk together, except they be agreed?” Amos 3:3 (KJV)