A Better Me Pt.1
Lord, Heal My Heart
Hebrews 3:7-13
7 Therefore, as the Holy Spirit says:“Today, if you will hear His voice,8 Do not harden your hearts as in the rebellion, In the day of trial in the wilderness,9 Where your fathers tested Me, tried Me, And saw My works (miracles) forty years.10 Therefore I was angry with that generation, And said, ‘They always go astray in their heart, And they have not known My ways.’11 So I swore in My wrath,‘They shall not enter My rest.’ ”12 Beware, brethren, lest there be in any of you an evil heart of unbelief in departing from the living God; 13 but [a]exhort one another daily, while it is called “Today,” lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin.
What can we learn from yesterday? It teaches us what doesn’t work, makes us see a need for change, and we must go through it. The danger of staying in yesterday? We’re constantly staying frustrated with today, are not living for a future hope, are hopeless for a future, not growing, and most of all, unfulfilled, but if we live today, we can build from our past. We can have confidence for tomorrow.
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I. Healing is a Process. Isaiah 32:17 (NKJV): “The work of righteousness will be peace, and the effect of righteousness, quietness, and assurance forever.” There is no peace without the work.
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a. How we internalize the Hurt: Identifying the button
- The minimize button – We push this button when we don’t want to deal with an issue.
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- The maximize button – We push this button when we want to escalate an issue
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b. 4 Rules of Disfunction
- Don’t Talk
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- Don’t Feel
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- Don’t Trust
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- Don’t Care About Rocking the Boat
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c. Questions of Hardness
- How could they do this?
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- Why would they do this?
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- Do they even love me?
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- What’s wrong with me that they don’t love me?
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Loneliness- Happens someone significant exits or does not deposit in your life. When feelings start speaking to you, when you begin to rationalize. When someone that you look to love you and they don’t it creates a stone in the heart.
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The goals for this session of are: vs.7-8
- To identify how a stony heart is formed.
- Begin the process of dismantling the stones that have formed in the heart, stone by stone.
Ezekiel 36:26: “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.”renewing and the removal of emotional or spiritual barriers.
What is a stone in the heart?
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A stone in the heart is a hurt that has never been acknowledged or healed. Stones will begin to form as a child when pain events occur. The pain from neglect, abandonment or abuse create stones in a childs heart.
It takes loving words and nurturing touch to remove a stone from the heart of a child.
Love Flows vs.9
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Love flowing in a home keeps a child’s heart open so stones do not form. Hurt after hurt, stone after stone a wall is formed that blocks out the love they are longing for.
As children, we need the following three things for our hearts to remain open to receive love from our parents.
- Daily affectionate touch
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- Encouraging words of affirmation
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- Relationship with parents to keep our hearts open.
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1 John 4:7-8
“Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.”1
1 John 4:16-17
“And we have known and believed the love that God has for us. God is love, and he who abides in love abides in God, and God in him. Love has been perfected among us in this: that we may have boldness in the day of judgment; because as He is, so are we in this world.”1
Two types of Love
Conditional (loving someone based on certain conditions or expectations being met.
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- Contingent on someone fulfilling certain expectations
- It’s manipulative because it makes a person feel like they need to perform to earn love constantly.
- It creates negative esteem
- Ex. I will only love you if you get a good job
- I will only be happy if you lose weight
- I will only support you if you do what I say
Unconditional (God’s Love) Love that is given without conditions or expectations
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- It’s free and without expecting a return
- It’s selfless in caring for someone
- It’s unchanging and has no boundaries
- It’s compassionate and agape
- Ex. Considers someone’s needs before your own
- Empathize with someone when they are down
- Celebrate when someone is doing well
- Lets someone know how important they are
- Patient with someones shortcomings
- It gives someone the space when they need it
- 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 NKJV 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
II. Beware of the Walls vs. 10-12
The Wall of Self-Protection
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Stones in the heart will form a wall of self-protection. Symptoms of a person who has a stony heart:
- Very Self Preservant
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- Fearful of Being Misunderstood
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- Guarded
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- Can’t Be Real
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- Come Close / Stay Away
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- You Wear a Mask
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- Cold UnFeeling
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- Can’t Hear What the Other is Saying
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- Always have the last word
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- Cut off from one another
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How do you cope with Pain?
- A Stuffer (Keep Pushing down feelings)
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- Become a Runner
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- Drinker
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- Cutters
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- Shoppers
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- Sleepers
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- Performers
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- Workers
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- Eaters
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*When the pain is triggered, you go back to the cycle.
The Wall of Defense
The wall of defense is built over time as each stone in the stony heart is triggered. Symptoms of a person with a wall of defense:
- Automatically Defensive
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- Very Easy Defensive
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- The tone of your voice change (Overreact over the pain) if there is a tone, there is a stone – stone of devalue
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- Entitlement (Feel Entitled)
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- Harsh Responses
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- Don’t even feel the pain you inflict
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Isolation
Walls cause isolation and can be identified by the following:
- Loneliness
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- Shut Off
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- Can’t Receive
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- Spiritually and Emotionally Shut Down
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- Cannot let people see who you really are
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Hidden Stony Heart
Harden not your Hearts “Hebrews 3:8
- Stone- The unforgiveness we have not given, the sins & lies we have created
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- Feelings– What you believe (Lies hold it together), pain, anger, performance, cycle
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- Judgments– Takes God’s Place (Made out of anger & pain) The enemy will use the power of your judgments (conscious, subconscious)
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- Matthew 7:1-3 (NKJV): “Judge not, that you be not judged. For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you. And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye?”
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- Vows: I will never, I will show you (A vow is a snare)
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- Vows are declarations that you make during a time when you are offended or hurt. Vows that are made in childhood affect interpersonal relationships in adulthood. Regardless of whether vows are made intentionally or subconsciously, they will still have a negative effect and must be renounced. Without renouncing vows in your life, you will continue to be trapped in vicious cycles of unhealthy behaviors or beliefs.
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- A vow is a snare (I will never, I will show you)
Proverbs 20:24 (NKJV): “A man’s steps are of the Lord; How then can a man understand his own way? “In the Bible, vows are mentioned in various contexts. One notable reference is in the book of Numbers:
Numbers 30:2 (NKJV): “If a man makes a vow to the Lord, or swears an oath to bind himself by some agreement, he shall not break his word; he shall do according to all that proceeds out of his mouth.”
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- Additionally, vows are discussed in the context of personal declarations made during times of offense or hurt. These vows, whether made intentionally or subconsciously, can have a lasting impact on interpersonal relationships and must be renounced to avoid negative effects.
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- Cycles: Why things keep happening. Created by a vow, which was created by a judgement, which is created by Feelings, which is created by a stone
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III. It’s Time to Make a Change vs.13
What do you do once you know what your issues are?
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I’m going to make a change for once in my life. It’s gonna feel real good
Gonna make a difference, gonna make it right. I’m starting with the man in the mirror
I’m asking him to change his ways, and no message could have been any clearer: If you wanna make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and then make a change.
Quoted from Michael Jackson “Man in the Mirror”
Ephesians 2:13-14
13 But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near by the blood of Christ. 14 For he himself is our peace, who has made the two groups one and has destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility,
How Do You Break the Cycle?
- Repent & Renounce (Be Specific)
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- The term “renounce” is a verb that formally declares one’s abandonment of something, such as a claim, right, or possession. It can also mean rejecting and stopping the use or consumption of something or refusing to recognize or abide by something any longer. For example, one might renounce a title, a habit, or an allegiance.
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- Pastor Terry Lema says, “We repent enough to be forgiven, but do we surrender enough to be changed?
For Healing to Take Place You Must…
- Recognize the wall of self-protection. Recognize when the wall comes up (like an invisible shield)
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- See how it is a block in relationships
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- See how the wall is keeping you from receiving love
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- Begin dismantling the wall, stone by stone
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