Mind Matters
Proverbs 22:1-10
Part II: Creating Healthy Boundaries
I. INTRODUCTION
Living a life worthy of celebrating is what God has given us.
Theres some steps we need to take to create this incredible place.
II. SETTING BOUNDARIES
Boundaries defined: Boundaries are invisible barriers that regulate interactions with others. Rules for engagement with other people. It’s your own personal limits, guidelines, and ground rules.
At their core, boundaries are all about who we give power to. They force us to analyze why we may not be giving ourselves permission to work and live in the way that we feel is best for our well-being. If we’re not deciding our lives, schedules, and workloads, who is? Boundaries allow us to decide when, how, and if we give this power away.
Genesis 1:1-31
Jeremiah 5:22
Should you not fear me?” declares the Lord. “Should you not tremble in my presence? I made the sand a boundary for the sea, an everlasting barrier it cannot cross. The waves may roll, but they cannot prevail; they may roar, but they cannot cross it.
b. Beginning the work to set boundaries
What happens when you don’t set healthy boundaries?
If you don’t set healthy boundaries, you are likely to constantly be at the mercy of others. You allow others to tell you how to think, act, and feel. It also means you spend your time and energy doing what others want you to do, over what you want to do.
2 Questions we have to ask?
a. Who is your family?
The boundaries in our family system. The rules set in our families as we grew up can not be escaped. Many of us are guided by those rules. How has your family impacted you? What were healthy impressions? What were unhealthy impressions? All of these will have an impact on you and how you see things. We’re not fault-finding, we are fact-finding. Ex. Dad had bad communication. Mom didn’t keep home well etc
b. Differentiate yourself from your family.
Who are you?
- Who are you apart from your family system?
2. Are you a replica or are you your own person? How do you engage with people
- What are your priorities?
- What are you trying to prove?…to who?
- Whose voice do you listen to?
Is there a voice that shames you or criticizes you? We have to identify the voice
III. A LOOK AT JESUS
Jesus differentiated himself from his family. Jesus set boundaries in order to protect his priorities
His Priority was the Kingdom
Matthew 12:46-50
46 While Jesus was still talking to the crowd, his mother and brothers stood outside, wanting to speak to him. 47 Someone told him, “Your mother and brothers are standing outside, wanting to speak to you.”
48 He replied to him, “Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?” 49 Pointing to his disciples, he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers. 50 For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.”
Jesus did not take on the anxiety of his family.
Mentally he separated himself because he knew his priorities were different.
Luke 2:48-50
48 When his parents saw him, they were astonished. His mother said to him, “Son, why have you treated us like this? Your father and I have been anxiously searching for you.”
49 “Why were you searching for me?” he asked. “Didn’t you know I had to be in my Father’s house?” 50 But they did not understand what he was saying to them.
We have to differentiate ourselves from the anxiety of loved ones. Protect yourself from other people’s battles. How can you not take ownership?
IV. TIPS ON SETTING BOUNDARIES
The 5 Types of Boundaries You Need to Set for Your Mental Health
Physical Boundaries. A physical boundary addresses the space around you. …
Emotional Boundaries. An emotional boundary refers to an internal, emotional experience. …
Mental Boundaries. Mental boundaries refer to your personal thought process. …
Time & Energy Boundaries- can look like being kept in a conversation longer than you planned, employers requesting you to do more work without pay, or someone showing up significantly later than agreed upon without clearly communicating.
Material Boundaries.
Whenever you set boundaries there will be consequences. When you say no there will be consequences. They may shame you, they may question your character, and they may use guilt so you must understand the system you are coming out of.
- Family & Spouse
Genesis 2:24
Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
Important boundaries to establish in your home
- Rules: What are the rules for your relationship? What are the rules if you are dating? What a the rules if your married
- Roles: What does it mean to be a husband? What does it mean to be a wife? What is your role if you’re a girlfriend or significant other?
- Rituals: What are the things we do on a consistent basis that could be good or detrimental to the relationship. If we do something every week on the same day at 4pm then we have to set boundaries to keep that a priority
Important boundaries to establish in your home
Hard boundaries (non-negotiables): Boundaries that you are unwilling to compromise
Soft boundaries (aspirations): Boundaries that are more like wishes, and that you are willing to compromise on.
Children
Proverbs 22:6
6 Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.
Establish developmentally appropriate boundaries
A five-year-old should not be exposed to the things a fifteen-year-old is exposed to. Children shouldn’t know everything that’s going on in your adult life
Answer the questions:
- What will I expose my children to? As they grow older you have to know how to adjust the boundaries
- How do I instill healthy boundaries in my children?
Friends
1 Corinthians 15:33
Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.”
- People with healthy boundaries attract other people with healthy boundaries.
- You have to set the boundary not the other person
Work
Mark 6:30-32
30 The apostles gathered around Jesus and reported to him all they had done and taught. 31 Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, he said to them, “Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.”
32 So they went away by themselves in a boat to a solitary place.
- Find time to step away to recharge.
- Time to Pray
- Time to Replenish
- Time to Restore
Remember it’s not time to fault find its time to fact-find. You owe yourself a Healthy Life. When you know better you have to do better.