Love Is… Pt. 5 Love is Not Easily Angered

Love Is Not Easily Angered

1 Corinthians 13:5

Since October 13th we have been unpacking that incredible description of God’s kind of love found in 1 Corinthians chapter 13…

If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but does not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hope, always perseveres.

Love never fails.

Love never fails…

QUESTION…

• Do you want all of your relationships to grow, to be better, healthier?

• Do you want the world to know that you really are a follower of Jesus?

• • Do you want to do the only thing that counts and that covers a multitude of sins?

• Do you want to make God smile by obeying the second greatest commandment, to love your neighbor as yourself?

• Do you want God to live in you and His love to be brought to full expression in you?

THEN – it’s times for you to get serious about not merely studying about God’s kind of love (sure studying about God’s kind of love is great)… HOWEVER – actually living it out is so much better, is what ultimately matters.

• Pursuing patience

• Unleashing kindness

• Not envying

• Deflating your pride, and

• Putting aside all of your rude ways.

This morning we are going to look at another facet of love found in 1 Corinthians 13:5

Love is not easily angered

The phrase ‘not easily angered’ is actually just one word in the original Greek….

Paroxyno (Pa – roc – sue no)– to sharpen, to rouse to anger, exasperate, easily provoked

English Word (paroxysm) – any sudden or violent outburst.

AGAIN – the primary meaning is to sharpen, it’s referring to this edge that can cut someone.

QUESTION – is anger always wrong?

Ephesians 4:26; “In your anger do not sin“

Which means – the issue is not anger in and of itself, but instead it is in the way we express and choose to deal with our anger.

UNDERSTAND – God gave us the capacity to get angry, and sometimes anger is the appropriate response to a situation. 

Did God ever get angry? At the right things; like sin & injustice.

Did you know that there are over 256 scriptures about God getting angry.

Did Jesus ever get angry?

Absolutely – the most memorable time is when He made a whip, overturned tables, and drove the money changers out of the temple…

UNDERSTAND – God has given us the capacity to get angry. But it must be managed. It must be controlled. BECAUSE – anger out of control is very destructive.

QUESTION – have you ever been angry at yourself?

LIKE – have you ever gotten so angry at yourself, that it motivated you to change? “Okay, that’s enough, no more of this…”

Today we’re going to look at 6 keys for managing your anger…..

1. Resolve To Manage It
   1. Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city. – Proverbs 16:32
      1. We have far more control over your anger than you think you do OR maybe care to admit…
      2. Have you’ve heard or even have said something like this; “That’s just the way I am…
   2. I can’t keep Living the Lie
      1. It’s the way I am. I can’t change
      2. the gospel says that we can change; that we can be transformed, that we are a new creation, that we don’t have to be the same anymore (that’s why the Gospel is called good news)
   3.  I want this message series ‘Love Is’ – to be the time when God brings about changes in my life that will help me to live out HIS kind of love, in ways, far beyond anything I have ever lived out before.
2. Remember the Cost of Being Angry
   1. Getting easily angered can have a pretty significant cost attached to it
      1. Examples of Destructive Anger
   2. QUESTION – has your uncontrolled, ungodly anger ever cost you anything?
      1. we’re less likely to get angry if we remember that anger always has a price tag attached to it…
   3. The Bible is very specific about the damage that uncontrolled anger does
      1. An angry person stirs up conflict, and a hot-tempered person commits many sins. – Proverbs 29:22
      2. People with quick tempers cause trouble… – Proverbs 15:18
      3. A quick-tempered person does foolish things… – Proverbs 14:17
   4. BOTTOM LINE – anger out of control always leaves ruin and destruction in its wake… I’ve seen, you’ve seen it.
      1. • Relationships destroyed
      2. • Families torn apart
      3. • Violence – hatred – bitterness-even murder
   5.  There is so much uncontrolled anger in our country right now. A recent survey (June 2020) showed that.
      1. • 84% of American’s feel that people are angrier than they were just a generation ago.
      2. • 42% admitted that they are angrier now than they were one year ago
      3. 90% said that they are more likely to express their anger on social media (or some other electronic way) than in person
      4. YES – we are getting angrier all the time and the costs are steep.
   6. There’s another cost to anger (that I want to mention) – and it’s a ‘huge’ one.
      1. ANGER – damages your relationship with God;
      2.  take not of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.– James 1:19,20
   7. A 3rd key to managing anger and riding the waves of love worth living is…
3. Reflect Before Reacting
   1. Don’t Respond Impulsively
      1. delay is a tremendous tool and a great remedy in anger.
         1. NOW – Not ‘long-term’ delay, where you save your anger for weeks, months, and years. That is defined as resentment
      2. Ephesians 4:27, says, In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.
         1. “Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry,
         2.  if you do, not only are you internalizing your anger, which always hurts you more…
            1. You are giving the devil a foothold. How have I given the devil a foothold in my life?
      3. See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter rot grows up to cause trouble and defile many. – Hebrews 12:15
   2. Why is it so important to reflect ‘before’ reacting?
      1. It gives us the chance to calm down.
      2. Reflecting – gives us time to think about why we’re angry.
      3. It keeps us from saying something stupid and reckless.
   3. While you’re reflecting, try to understand your anger. LIKE – analyze it, look at it, dig beneath it and ask yourself…
      1. Why am I angry?
      2. BEFORE – you react you need to stop and reflect… “what’s making me so mad?” BECAUSE – whenever we get angry it is usually the result of one of three things:
         1. We get angry when we are hurt
            1. You’re hammering nails, you miss the nail and you hit your thumb, it hurts – you get angry. In a relationship, when somebody’s been hurt, feels, devalued and disrespected, they get angry.
         2. Hurt causes anger.
         3. We get angry when we are frustrated
            1. When things in our life are not working out the way we want them to – we get frustrated and that leads to anger.
            2. a major cause of frustration is unmet expectations.

We always have expectations of what’s going to happen, of how things are going to be or turn out.when those expectations don’t match reality, (the further apart those are) the angrier we become.

• • • 1. We get angry when we are afraid
         1. Example: what happens when you push an animal into a corner? They become afraid, and eventually, they’ll attack back.
         2. People are the same way – when they are backed into a corner, when they feel threatened, when they are afraid of some dark cloud of circumstances closing in on them, OR when they are afraid that something about themselves – (something they’ve hidden & denied) is about to be exposed…they get angry.

The flip side of this – When somebody gets angry at us, rather than focusing on their anger, focus on which of these three might be the cause.

Are they hurt?

Are they frustrated?

Are they afraid?

Ask Yourself – what’s easier for you deal with (‘their’ hurt, frustration, fear OR their anger?)

4. Release Your Anger Appropriately

1. 1. IT’S – possible to be angry and not do something wrong.
      1. Ephesians 4:26 If you become angry, do not let your anger lead you into sin.

5 possible options for releasing and dealing with your anger… AND 4 of them don’t work so good.

1. Trash compacter
2. 1. 1. 1. IF YOU – keep stuffing trash in – do you know what happens?
         2.  it’s going to stink… AND IF YOU – keep stuff things it’s going to leak out…
         3. Same thing is true with repressed anger… people ask you, “what’s wrong,” “oh nothing…” something has to eaten you” “no I’m okay”
            1. And they do that all the time – they stuff it down and stuff it down… They try to ignore it, pretend that it’s not there.

Pretending it isn’t there doesn’t work.

IN FACT – suppression, often leads to depression.

         2. Ventilator

1. 1. 1. 1. These people do anything but stuff it down, they just spew it out and often times take pride in doing it (I just tell it like it is)…
            1. THEY – curse God, they curse people, they slam doors, squeal tires, and they kick cats and little dogs. I MEAN – they just let it go.
            2. And more often than not feel pretty good about doing it.
            3. What Does God Say:

Don’t be quick-tempered, for anger is the friend of fools. Ecclesiastes 7:9

A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control. – Proverbs 29:11

            3. Prosecuting attorney

1. 1. 1. 1. This is the smart person and whenever you start to get ticked off and angry you immediately…
            1. Start digging up the facts, putting together your case…
            2. You’ve You got witness and interrogation lamps
            3. overwhelmingly prepared and you are so much smarter and quicker, that you make the other person feel so stupid that they say, ok I’m guilty… even when they are not…
            4. Losing your temper is foolish; ignoring an insult is smart.- Proverbs 12:16
            5. What if I can’t ignore it, I have to prove your point….

Avoiding a fight is a mark of honor; only fools insist on quarreling. – Proverbs 20:3

NOW MAYBE – your way of dealing with anger is not to be a trash compacter, ventilator or prosecuting attorney, but a…

            4. Stealth Bomber…

a. this is the person who flies low and flies quiet. Waiting for the right moment to hit the target

1. 1. 1. 1. 1. 1. A little barb of sarcasm here, a jab there, a dig here, a heat seeking missile there – and boom you got them…
               2. It’s the kind of person who just walks quietly around the house or office and on the way out says, “I’ll see you later your majesty” Target sited, sarcasm loaded… boom direct hit and you are out of there. Some people are top gun with this one
            2. God is saying don’t be the one who keeps it going
               1. The start of a quarrel is like a leak in a dam, so stop it before it bursts. – Proverbs 17:14
               2. Application: THEREFORE – (if you struggle with stealth bombing) watch your tone, your sarcasm your tactics, your body language your timing your tongue, your tweets…etc
               3. The 5^th Way 

         5. The Temperature Gauge

I’m hurting or afraid or frustrated… feel disrespected or didn’t get my way?”

• • • • 1. Admit it to God. “God, I’m mad. I don’t like this situation.” They irritate me to no end. He burns me up.

BUT – I don’t want to be this way… God I feel like I am about to lose it, but I know that my anger will not achieve the righteous life you desire, please help me.

• • • • 1. Admit it to the person. Just level with them.. Hey – I am starting to get ticked off here… I’m feeling “I’m hurt” “I’m frustrated” “I’m irritated”, “I’m afraid.” Could you please give me some space before I say or do something foolish.
    1. UNDERSTAND – to live out God’s kind of love we must learn to deal with anger – and to deal with anger… you need to:
       1. Resolve to manage it;
       2. Remember the cost,
       3. Reflect before reacting;
       4. Release your anger appropriately5. Relate To People Who Aren’t Angry
          1. Do not make friends with a hot tempered man. Do not associate with one easily angered or you may learn his ways and get yourself ensnared. Proverbs 22:24-25
          2. QUESTION – is anger contagious?
             1. there are some people who will cause you to become angrier. I MEAN – you get around the wrong kind of person, and they’ll make it worse.
             2. Example: “Somebody at work said or did ‘this’ – and it bothered me.” They’ll look at you and say, “Bothers you? Man – you should be angry about that! You should go back and tell them what you think.” “You deserve better… You should be angry… I’d tell them what I think if I were you.”
          3. IF YOU – about being like Jesus and living out God’s kind of love THEN YOU – need to strive to hang around people who are pursuing the same things.

1. 6. Rely On Christ’s Help
   1. John 5:4-9
   2. PICTURE Jesus walking up to you and asking you;
      1. Do you want to get well?
      2. Do you want this moment to be your breakthrough moment?
      3. Do you really want…To live out God’s kind of love

Conclusion

Love Is…

To be more patient

• To unleash kindness

• To stop envying

• To overcome your pride by pursuing humility

• To be someone who casts off rudeness and strives to show respect for other people

• To be a person who is not easily angered

• 1. Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old is gone, the new has come. – 2 Cor 5:17
  2. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. – Ephesians 3:20
  3. He has the power we just have to ask for it!