The Other Disciple: Greif in the light of heaven

Heaven, The Future Looks Great, Part 4

We are looking at:

• What our relationship with one another will be like in heaven.
• Heaven as a place of reunion with one another.
• Every relationship will one day come to an end on earth and for believers pick up again in heaven.

Background:

• My wife Rebecca died June 11, 2022. The church stood beside me as we walked a difficult road together. Todays message is not about her illness, but about grief and our future relationship.
• A little over a year before she died, Rebecca was in the hospital and had a “glimpse” of heaven. (Her notes are included at the end of the outline.) Most striking to me, she described the presence of God as something tangible; and an overwhelming sense of total peace.

I. Oldest reference to heaven: We are

1. I look forward to seeing her again. A friend was told, “Your husband who died is so busy looking into Jesus, when you get to heaven, he won’t even know who you are.” That’s bad theology.

2. We are not just taken up to God alone. We are gathered together with those who died before us. Heaven is the reunion of God’s people. We are separated momentarily on earth, but gathered in heaven.

3. The term, “and was gathered to his people” is used 14 times in the Old Testament. (A few examples: Genesis 25:8, Genesis 25:17, Genesis 25:29, Genesis 49:33, Numbers 20:26, Numbers 27:13)

4. To be gathered to your people should remind you that you have a “people!” Your people are your family, your church, the people of God that you know. Your people are the generation who stood together with you against the world, the systems of the world and held fast to righteousness. And when we die, this generation is gathered before the throne; fathers, mothers, spouses. Rebecca is my “people.”

5. Heaven is not a nameless mass. We don’t wander the halls with people we don’t know! I think we spend eternity meeting people. But we start first “gathered” to our people. Then move out in wider circles meeting new people. And by the way, I suspect you’ll have a mind that can remember names!

II. What is our relationship like in heaven?

• 2 Thess. 2:1 says we will be gathered to Jesus. He is our ultimate relationship, the direction all believers are headed.
• Heaven is meant for relationships. John 14:2 describes heaven as “many rooms.” Revelation 21 describes heaven as a city dressed as a bride. A city because there are many people in a city. A city is full of relationships. But a bride because this city in all her relationships is focused together on one greater relationship.
• In heaven we continue a path of discipleship. Jesus called fishermen to “follow me.” Those who followed Jesus were called, “Disciples.” He told the Apostles to go “make disciples” of all nations.
• In Revelation 14:4, speaking about heaven, it says they “follow the lamb wherever he goes.” That is, we continue to be followers (disciples) of the Lamb (Jesus.)

What is my relationship in heaven with Rebecca going to be like? What will your relationship with believers who died and are in heaven be like when you get there?

• Matthew 22:23-33, Jesus says that there is no giving nor taking in marriage. He then says that our relationship will be like the angels. The immediate context is that angels don’t have marriage. That does not mean that you somehow forget your marriage or relationships from earth; it means your relationship in heaven is that you are not married to one another. For us, our marriage is to Christ. Second, my observation would be that angels are servants of God. We have a greater role, as disciples or followers of the lamb. And a greater position, coheirs with Christ.
• I meet people distressed that the heavenly relationship will be different from the earthly unions. If we are not married, what are we? My answer is this: Rebecca and I were disciples of Jesus on earth. Our journey in discipleship was bound in marriage. Rebecca wasn’t just my wife, she was the “other disciple.” God put her in my life so that together we would walk toward Jesus.
• Since her death, I have begun to call her, “The other disciple.” One day, I will see the other disciple again. And I am okay with our relationship, though not married, being one of walking as disciples of Jesus in heaven.

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My thoughts are best expressed in a letter I wrote to a good friend:

Rebecca wasn’t just my wife, she was the “other disciple” that God put in my life to walk toward Him.

That’s what Christian marriage is; God takes two disciples, two people who love him and love each other. In the marriage, they begin to walk toward Jesus together. They love, argue, fight, date, make love, read the Scriptures, and they do life together.

In our case, we went to a little church in the middle of no where, and we stood with an ever changing community of Jesus followers. We baptized, served and were served. We did life deeply with these people. We buried dead and cried together. We celebrated babies, and we went to hospitals together.

Then that other disciple, the one I walked with, did life with, raised children with and went to weddings with; got sick. And life got very hard. She suffered sweetly. She suffered with kindness; toward me and toward the Lord. She prayed for healing but was not healed here.

God took Rebecca to heaven. And she’s not my wife there. But she is the other disciple I did life with. Like Peter and John running for the empty tomb, she got there before I did. Jesus was the direction we were both walking all along. And when I get there, I think she’ll greet me. And our roles together haven’t changed that much; disciples, who have finally arrived at the Lord’s presence.

I can’t wait to see the other disciple again.

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All Christians are headed on the same journey; toward Jesus. In haven we have reached our destination together. That our relationship with Jesus now deepens does not bring an end to our fellowship with one another. In fact, we have finally reached a place where we can have true deeper fellowship.

III. Choices my family made: A plan for grief:

1. I will give

I was out walking recently, and the Holy Spirit made me deeply aware that I had not really given thanks to God for Rebecca. I’d briefly said, “thank you” for her. But not really with all my heart. And as I walked, I just wept and thanked God for putting her in my life for those years. For all the good she brought me. For the way that she helped me walk more deeply with Jesus; For the children she gave and the good ways that she brought changes to my life.

2. I will remember Rebecca

• As a family we will try to resist the temptation to “saint” her. To make her something she wasn’t.
• We tell stories about her, quote her, remember her innocence and idiosyncrasies. We will remember that she was fun, happy, sweet. She was also scattered, forgetful and clumsy. She was smart, but also ditzy.

3. I believe grief is

• Grief is God’s gift for moving through pain. Grief is God’s shepherds’ staff for those suffering loss.
• If you don’t grieve, you get stuck at a stage or an event in life.
• Grief is allowing tears, sadness. You don’t have to force yourself to be happy. There are some days that I “need” to be sad. Those days come less often with time, but they are still there.

4. I will grieve with

• Or, I will grieve with my hope rooted in reality. Truth gives hope. I not put my hope in empty things or in trite things.
• There are lies people will say that they think are comforting. Nothing is comforting if it’s not true. All lies are from the enemy to steal our deep hope in Jesus. People say things that are empty that if we believe them will actually shallow our hope.
• Trite things people say,

“God needed another choir member.” (That’s kind of a mean God, isn’t it? He looked at the choir, and the numbers were low, so he knocked off one of our loved ones?)

“She just got her wings.”

“She’s in the wind.”

“She painted that rainbow.”

“She’s always with you.” (Pause. She’s not always with me. Only Christ is omnipresent. Christ is with me. Rebecca is in heaven with Christ.)

“She’s watching over you.” (Pause again. That’s not comforting. That’s creepy. If she’s present, I want her fully present. The truth is, she’s not watching over me. Even if she was watching over me, what could she do if I had a problem? She is neither omnipresent nor omnipotent. You don’t want your dead loved ones watching over you, you want Christ watching over you.)

• To be clear: Only God is all seeing, all knowing, all powerful. Our dead loved ones do not take on the attributes of God in heaven. He may let them see something; or know something. I don’t think they are blind to earth’s happenings. (Revelation 6) But they don’t know all that’s going on.
• Truth is important to hope. Hope that is founded in truth is deep. Hope founded in happy thoughts is just a façade. It’s like a movie set, built with just a face but no real depth. Jesus hope has depth, dimension and texture.
• 1 Thessalonians 4:13-14.

5. I will learn to walk with Christ

This is again best expressed in a letter I wrote to a good friend:

A Godly spouse helps bring Christ into reality for you: Lean on each other. When you have a Godly spouse what you are unaware of is how much they are the face of Christ to you. Their heart. You Rest in their love. And don’t even know you’re doing it. You find peace deeply in that other persons Forgiveness.

And without that other Disciple your left with less spiritual confidence. Because there is not that other person bringing Christianity into reality for you. Verbalizing the forgiveness of sin. Listening to hurts. Holding in heartache. Speaking truth you already know, but reminding you of it. Their confidence in the Word of God quietly deepens your own confidence.

And you work to find Jesus in new ways that he used to be found in the marriage itself.

IV. What do I say to someone who is grieving?

1. Don’t:

–Try to be spiritual.

–Be angry for me. “This is so wrong” “Why happen to you.”

–Don’t try to identify. “I lost my dog.”

2. You can say:

–I love you so much. I’m so sorry. I loved Rebecca. This really hurts.

–Tell me what you loved about Rebecca.

–Allow me to talk about her.

Don’t try to make it better. Only Jesus can wash those tears away.

V. Encouragement:

1 Thess. 4:18 Therefore encourage one another with these words.

• Take time with one another. Enjoy life deeply with your spouse, your mom, your dad. People don’t live forever. Don’t hold on to old hurts that hinder relationships.
• Be clear about Jesus. Don’t leave your family wondering if you made it!

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Rebecca’s Testimony to Craft and Chat:

In October 2020, I had surgery and was hospitalized for 8 days. 8 days is a long time when you are away from your family. But. . .

–The surgeon prayed for me before surgery.

–A nurse prayed for me.

–Multiple nurses said they were believers.

So, in this season as you know, no family or visitors were allowed. That was hard, and at times I felt lonely, but it was so nice o know I had a church full of people praying for me. And then about night 4 or 5, after 2 room changes and 2 roommate changes, I was in a room by myself. That night was so quiet, but I couldn’t sleep. So I put on my headphones and turned on worship music. I closed my eyes to shut out everything around me. Then Raise a Hallelujah came on and I began to feel the presence of God surround me. It was an extraordinary peace like is not often felt. I felt like, somehow, like I was no longer in that hospital room. At that moment, I was just surrounded by his presence. As the worship music continued to play, I just kept my eyes closed and continued to feel his presence. I can’t tell you how long it was for sure, but it was so peaceful at a time when there was not always peace but a lot of commotion. It was a time I will never forget.

This season has been so different, with no friends or family be able to visit. Yet I know God was with me the whole time, even in the time I was lonely or sad. But being sad and lonely doesn’t mean I don’t fully trust Him. I don’t fully know why I am goring through this at this time, but he has shown me a few things. The body of Christ really works together when someone is suffering. It was so wonderful to see the love of this body poured out to our family in many different ways while I was in the hospital and when I was first recovering at home. We knew our church had so many great people, but our family got to see God’s love in action firsthand. I am so blessed by such a wonderful family and a church family.

Sometimes God doesn’t give us all the whys, and many times we have to wait for his answers when we pray. That’s when we just keep serving Him in the ways he wants us to serve. If you don’t know where you should be serving, God will reveal it to you through his Word, other Christians, or circumstances. Serve where God has placed you now, not where you wish you were. As you wait and serve, you can be light in the darkness. You may be the only light someone sees.

I keep praying for a healing, and it is hard knowing God’s timing is not our timing. But I know that God has a plan and we can’t see it all yet. Last year was a rough year for me health wise, it was overwhelming at times, but I know I got through it knowing the Lord was with me. There were some big changes in our life last year, not just health wise, but with everything else that has been going on, I think it has made me stronger and our family closer together.

I don’t know what 2021 will bring, but we have to trust him and watch to see what he wants to do in our lives this years.