HOW TO FIGHT Part 2: How To Fight Clean

When conflict comes,
we don’t have a strategy for it.

Matthew 5:9 NIV
9 Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.

Matthew 22:36-39 NIV
36 “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” 37 Jesus replied: “ ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’

When conflict comes,
we don’t have a strategy for it.

Ways we fight
False Peace

Jeremiah 6:14 NIV
14 They dress the wound of my people as though it were not serious. ‘Peace, peace,’ they say, when there is no peace.

Matthew 5:9 NIV
9 Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.

Matthew 16:22-23 NIV
22 Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him. “Never, Lord!” he said. “This shall never happen to you!” 23 Jesus turned and said to Peter, “Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the concerns of God, but merely human concerns.”

“True peacemakers love God, others, and themselves enough to disrupt false peace
… You can’t have the true peace of Christ’s kingdom with lies and pretense, They must be exposed to the light and replaced with the truth. This is the mature, loving thing to do.”
~Pete and Geri Scazzero

Ways we fight
False Peace
Fight Dirty

“94% of the time, the way a discussion starts determines the way it will end,”
~John Gottman

Dirty Fighting Techniques
Denying
Sarcasm
Silent Treatment
Walking Away
Shouting
Using “Always” or “Never”
Being Passive-Aggressive

Ephesians 4:15 NIV
15 Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.

A clean fight is when you are fighting for the sake of the relationship.

Romans 12:17-18 NIV
17 Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. 18 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.

Clean Fighting Techniques
Pray
Assume the best
Talk to each other, not about each other.

Matthew 18:15 NIV
15 “If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over.

Clean Fighting Techniques
Pray
Assume the best
Talk to each other, not about each other.
Everyone speaks.

Argue like you’re right. Listen like you’re wrong.

James 1:19 NIV
19 My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,

Clean Fighting Techniques
Pray
Assume the best
Talk to each other, not about each other.
Everyone speaks.
Commit to clarity and closure.

Conflict + Love = Growth

Ephesians 6:10-12 NIV
10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

A clean fight is when you are fighting for the sake of the relationship.

Dirty Fighting Techniques
Denying
Sarcasm
Silent Treatment
Walking Away
Shouting
Using “Always” or “Never”
Being Passive-Aggressive

Clean Fighting Techniques
Pray
Assume the best
Talk to each other, not about each other.
Everyone speaks.
Commit to clarity and closure.

John 13:35 NIV
35 By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”