RELATIONSHIPS ARE COMPLICATED

Part 4: Why is Marriage so Hard?

October 11, 2026

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What causes fights and quarrels among you?

James 4:1–3 (NIV)

 

 

James 4:1–3 (NIV) Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.

 

God’s plan for your marriage works 100% of the time.

 

 

Ephesians 5:21 (NIV) Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

• Covenant calls us to our spouse can .

 

Ephesians 5:33 (NIV) However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

• Covenant calls us to in each other

 

Ephesians 5:26–27 (NIV) To make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.

 

Proverbs 31:11–12 (NIV) Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.

• Covenant behind our struggles.

 

Ephesians 5:22–25 (NIV) Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.

 

Galatians 5:24 (NIV) Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.

• Covenant teaches us to care for what matters deeply .

 

Ephesians 5:28–31 (NIV) In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church—for we are members of his body.“ For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”

 

1 Peter 3:7 (NIV) Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.

How Do We Start Fighting for Each Other?

 

1. Fight the , not the .

 

Ephesians 6:12 (NLT) For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.

2. Fight to , not merely to be .

 

James 1:19 (NIV) My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.

3. Fight for , not just .

 

Ephesians 4:26–27 (NIV) In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.

Colossians 3:13 (NIV) Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

4. Fight for before the .

 

Ecclesiastes 4:9–12 (NIV) Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.